them In short, we all deserve each other, which is more' deserving than most people encounter in a lifetime. And since we have each other, few other people are really necessary. The three of us are bad enough; a quartet might prove altogether lethal.

You see, George and I have never lived in the same city at the same time. Indeed, the very idea is unthinkable. We have instead maintained a minimum of seventy-five miles apart, thus permitting at best week-end visits, which is what dietitians call the 'maximum requirement.' Robbie and I, on the other hand, have made it a point to live in the same city for some three years now. To be more specific, we have made it a point to live in the same apartment, and of course the proximity doesn't actually stop there. The three of us sat over a few bottles not long ago recalling past experiences. As a matter of fact, Robbie and I sat around the bottles; it was George who sat over them, hovering like some famished vulture. But then that isn't too awfully unusual since George has resembled a famished vulture as long as I've known him.

As it happened, I had motored down to visit George during the summer of 1960. I went immediately to one particular hotel where I always stayed on such occasions. Naturally I couldn't stay at George's place; his wife and five children were taking up all the room. So of course George came over and we met for dinner.

"George, you look terrible."

"Of course I look terrible. I've always looked terrible. Pass me the salt." "I mean you look terrible even for someone who always looks terrible." "Oh. Well you don't exactly remind me of Mr. Universe yourself. of fact, you look like a.......

Matter

"Well I have a good reason. I'm withering. What I mean to say is I'm going to seed,"

"But you've always been seedy, Charlie. Careful, you're dripping your coffee. Is it possible you're seedier than ever?”

"George, I am in the middle of a drought. For three solid months now I have been absolutely chaste, a veritable nun. In point of fact, I am seedier than I'd have thought it humanly possible."

"Three months! Good grief, I'd have been in an institution after the first month. Gives me the creeps just to think about it."

"So tell me, how's your social life?"

"Oh very active, but not what you'd call social. Not a seed in sight, if that's what you mean. And that brings up an important question." "Oh?"

Which room are you in?"

"312, why?"

"Would you mind leaving it unlocked tonight?"

mattnchine REVIEW

"But George, I'm not going to be in."

"Of course you aren't. That's why I want you to leave your door unlocked." "But I thought I was going to be with you. I came to see you!"

"So you're seeing me. And you'll see me some more tomorrow. Now just make sure you're gone for at least an hour. Well don't look at me as if I were the Count de Sade or something. I just happen to have a date, that's all."

Oh well, why not, I thought. It wasn't difficult to busy one's self for an hour or so. I could simply go further to seed while George was up in my room preventing the same situation in himself. Reluctantly, I told him the door was already unlocked.

We finished our dinner, I strolled over to buy a magazine, and George went off in all directions. I purchased a copy of How to Develop a More Powerful Gastrocnemius, looked at my watch, then sat down to read. I figured it would take at least an hour to cover the magazine, and besides I needed a more powerful gastrocnemius.

After a time, I came to the end of that highly edifying publication, glanced at my watch again and realized that I had been sitting there upwards of two hours. No telling where George was by now, nor 'what' he was doing. I I tucked the magazine in my coat pocket and strolled upstairs.

One twist of the knob and I found it was still unlocked. But what I found when I put one foot inside was even more interesting. Sprawled panting and heaving across the bed wearing absolutely nothing was what might have been the world's most delapidated, fagged out old faggot. He might not have been so completely odious with clothes on, but in his present state it was enough to make you come unglued at the seams. At the same time, Georgewas similarly unclad, sitting in a chair beside the bed looking as though he had just broken some sort of a record.

The fagged out faggot peeped up over the bags under his eyes, then merely rolled off the other side of the bed onto the floor. It wasn't as good as fainting, but it was better than nothing.

"Oh it's all right, Clyde," George said nonchalantly. "This is the nice fellow I was telling you about."

A face peered cautiously over the edge of the bed. "He doesn't look like a nice fellow to me, barging in here like that. Goodness, you frightened me,”

"It so happens," I flung back rather archly, "that I barged into my own room like that, and I'm sure you're far more frightening than I could ever be, seedy as I am.”

By this time George was almost dressed, and his companion was making nervous efforts in that direction.

"Really, George, how could you?" I went on. "Is that the best you could